Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is a pseudoscientific approach to communication, personal development, and psychotherapy created in the 1970s. The basic premise of NLP is that our thoughts, gestures, and words interact to shape our mental processing and behavior. By changing any part of this process, we can achieve specific goals and improve various aspects of our lives. Kirill Yurovskiy offers a look at some of the most popular NLP techniques and how we can apply them to achieve positive results in our daily lives.
Basic NLP Techniques
Rapport Building
Rapport refers to a close connection or harmony with another person. NLP teaches several ways we can build better rapport, including:
– Mirroring body language and speech patterns
– Matching communication styles
– Active listening and displaying interest
Building rapport establishes trust and understanding between people. Practice this with colleagues, friends and family to improve those relationships.
Mirroring
Mirroring or reflecting back verbal and non-verbal signals is a core NLP skill for better rapport. If someone speaks fast and gestures animatedly, match that. Sync your posture and tone as well. Subtle mirroring can happen naturally but conscious effort helps particularly when views don’t align. Mirroring values the other person’s model of the world.
Sensory Awareness
NLP highlights accessing sensory details. When describing experiences or goals, utilize vivid sights, textures, smells and emotions. Memory and motivation increase with sensory richness. Describe a beach vacation resorting to all five senses or ambitiously imagine your dream house. Also pay attention to other’s sensory words for insight into their perspectives.
Using NLP for Effective Communication
Active Listening
Simply hearing someone shares information. Active listening deliberately processes content to fully comprehend the speaker’s emotions and meanings. NLP strategies for active listening include:
– Facing the person squarely and maintaining eye contact
– Mirroring body language signals
– Providing verbal cues like “I see” and head nods
– Paraphrasing content and reflecting back emotions
Better understanding prevents conflicts and feels validating.
Framing Questions
How we word questions substantially impacts answers. Leading questions limit options while open-ended questions encourage detailes replies. Instead of closed questions like “Did you enjoy the movie?”, frame openly “What were your thoughts on the movie?”. Open questions prompt people to introspect and provide their genuine perspectives.
Providing Feedback
Feedback critiques performance to guide improvement. NLP feedback principles explain how to phrase sensitively, target specifics constructively and motivate change through realistic compliments. Feedback works best when the receiver feels respected, avoiding personal attacks. Mix positive commentary acknowledging strengths with advice identifying weaknesses.
Applying NLP for Motivation and Goal-Setting
Creating Empowering Beliefs
Beliefs are ideas we accept as true that then influence actions. Even unrealistic beliefs drive behaviors if we sufficiently believe them. Core NLP identifies and replaces disempowering assumptions with productive personalized beliefs. If you believe “I can’t speak publicly”, transform that to “When I practice appropriately, I speak quite well publicly.” Beliefs directly control possibilities.
Setting Well-Formed Outcomes
Well-formed outcomes are NLP goals meeting certain standards to increase achievement. Outcomes should be: stated positively in present tense like “I earn outstanding grades”, sensory-specific including sights and emotions of success, within your control and enabling other goals. Quantify timeframes and progress parameters like daily study hours to accomplish the outcome. Review regularly, visualize often and confirm frequently to realize your well-formed goals!
Reframing Limiting Thought Patterns
Reframing, or perceiving differently, alters unhelpful thought patterns’ disruptive emotional impacts. Rather than “failing” a class, reframe it as an opportunity to improve study habits and better manage time for higher performance next semester. Instead of generalized anxiety, reframe as excitement towards an upcoming event. Reframing happens consciously but can positively shift ingrained thinking.
Improving Learning with NLP Strategies
Anchoring
Anchors associate internal states with external triggers, creating shortcuts to quickly recreate useful mindsets and resources. A song might anchor nostalgia of your graduation. In NLP, anchors intentionally link stimuli like gestures to confident, relaxed and focused states. Touch your index finger when calmly concentrating then repeat touching to prompt concentration without extensive meditation. Anchor learning states nightly to more easily enter that mindset during studies.
Chunking Information
Chunking segments large information into meaningful, digestible units with relationships then understood as one. Phone numbers chunk into meaningful area code, exchange and number groupings. Learning material chunks into main concepts, supporting facts and examples or broader applications. Chunked information integrates into existing knowledge easier. Chunk dry textbook chapters into digestible parts, processing each thoroughly before connecting as a whole.
Utilizing Preferred Representational Systems
NLP categorizes people by whether they better process information visually, auditorily or kinesthetically/physically. Visuals understand diagrams best while auditory learners prefer lectures and discussions. Identify your tendencies and leverage them. Supplement textbook reading with visually organizing content in charts, picture models and timelines. Alternately, record lectures to replay explanations
Managing Emotions with NLP
Identifying Emotional Triggers
Situations don’t inherently evoke emotions; rather our reactionary thoughts determine feelings. Keeping an emotions diary tracks external events, automatic thoughts and resulting feelings. If public speaking always makes you anxious, investigate underlying assumptions like “people will harshly judge me”. Monitor thought patterns prompting unwanted feelings to uncover changeable triggers.
Changing Unwanted Emotional States
NLP employs state management techniques to consciously transition out of disruptive emotional states. Physically shift posture while reframing situations more positively and tapping into resourceful feelings. If frustration arises from a long wait, stand up straighter imagining happy outcomes ahead rather than ruminating delays. State management develops emotional flexibility improving daily experience.
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Tapping
EFT tapping combines acupressure tapping on meridian endpoints of the body with vocalizing affirmative statements to reduce negative emotions. While concentrating on anger over an argument, tap the karate chop point saying “I deeply love and accept myself even when I get angry”. Continue tapping other points voicing self-acceptance until anger dissipates. EFT tapping can change emotional reactions on-the-spot !
Enhancing Relationships Using NLP Insights
Understanding Communication Styles
NLP categorizes communication preferences similar to representational systems. Visual communicators describe scenes in vivid sensory detail expecting similar information. Auditory style involves narrating stories and discussions. Kinesthetic style requests or shares emotional experiences through examples. Adjusting explanations to align with someone’s communication style improves connection. Identify then mirror their preference.
Resolving and Preventing Conflicts
NLP conflict resolution starts by rapport building through matching then consciously leads interactions to common ground. Seek shared interests, validate all perspectives and highlight similar goals before problem solving. Prevent future conflicts by identifying individual needs, values and recurring triggers like scheduling or jealousy. Then address, not accuse. Helping fulfil unmet needs whether attention, respect or trust builds bonds preventing recurring conflicts.
Establishing Rapport and Trust
Beyond mirroring, establish deeper rapport with strangers by citing presumed similarities, slowly self-disclosing vulnerabilities and openly being helpful without seeking gain. Building general acquaintances’ trust develops through consistently demonstrating reliability over time. With romantic partners cultivate trust and rapport through mutual caretaking, communicating reassurance, displaying total acceptance and regularly exemplifying integrity.
Integrating NLP Techniques in Everyday Routines
Morning Routine
Mornings make or break days. Upon waking tap EFT points declaring self-acceptance and gratitude for another day. Stand tall, put on energizing music and visualize successfully accomplishing planned tasks. Chunk obligations into manageable pieces timed throughout the day for organized calm. Use anchoring by playing the empowering morning song to recall determination destressing when later overwhelmed.
Workplace Productivity
At work build rapport with colleagues by mirroring then utilize well-formed outcomes for assigned projects. Align beliefs and self-talk to empower succeeding, chunk efforts into staged measurable objectives and frequently imagine the sensory experience of praise upon completion. Frame questions to elicit coworkers’ insights and provide feedback commending diligence.
Bedtime Routine
To enter restful sleep after hectic days, establish a consistent anchored routine. Shut down electronics, play tranquil music and clean the space clearing mental clutter. Visualize worries floating away as you tap EFT points stating gratitude and contentment with efforts extending positivity into rest. Affirm pride in progress made and eagerness for tomorrow’s events before drifting to sleep. Awaken recharged!
Benefits of Daily NLP Practice
Regular conscious NLP practice trains the unconscious mind to model life beneficially. Daily emotional state management prevents little frustrations accumulating into overwhelm. Relationship conflicts resolve promptly with mutual understanding. Performance steadily improves utilizing deliberate mental frameworks aligning efforts to achievement. Reframing reactions emphasizes positive progress mindsets. Anchoring links resources to triggers manifesting intentions intuitively over time through NLP consistency.
NLP allows influencing thoughts, emotions and behaviors in ourselves and others. While controversy exists over effectiveness, many techniques have practical everyday applications. Identify your goals – a promotion requiring public speeches or improving marital communication. Then regularly and precisely practice tailored NLP techniques to see transformational results. Whether wanting to manage anxiety, learn faster, or enhance connections, purposefully utilize NLP.
